Not so sure – Everything is going to be OK

My baby boy note book
Everything is going to be OK

I’m not so sure I’ve got this.

After a completely sleepless night, I still have a baby to look after until my Honey wakes just after lunch. I’m utterly exhausted. After three sleepless nights in the hospital, expecting nurses to wheel my baby in for a feed at any moment, I didn’t sleep last night, either.

I was alone. It was just me, completely responsible for this tiny, dependent, perfect little boy, and I was petrified that something would go wrong.

Less than eight ours sleep in the last four days is taking its toll. I have started snapping at my precious boy when he won’t latch. However, when he can feel my tension he won’t latch then, either

Catch 22 of the Latch.

I need sleep. Our appointment with the paediatrician is at 12:30, so my Honey will only have managed 4 hours (his average since Saturday). It will be my baby’s first trip out, from home, and I have no idea how to dress him. It is July and its hot, but everyone seems to think he needs many layers. I’m not so sure I know what I’m doing.

It seems so strange to me that the books think that three layers are appropriate. Everything I have read doesn’t consider that temperatures above 30 degrees Celsius are even a possibility – here it’s standard for this time of year. I’ve settled on a vest and some light trousers.

I have a list of questions to ask the doctor about climate control, wardrobe, health issues, blood glucose, lungs, hiccups, the list goes on. They are all written down, so that I don’t forget.

I feel so guilty putting my sweet boy in his car seat. The padding on the shoulder straps makes his so hot, but they are necessary. If they weren’t there, he wouldn’t be able to hold his head up, and the straps would cut into his neck.

My baby boy has B+ blood type. He is perfectly healthy. His blood glucose is good, his lungs are completely clear. He is a sensible and healthy weight. He is tall (long), he has a strong grip.

Our paediatrician mocked us for giving him two middle names, “Only the Spanish have so many names.”

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