I’m drunk. J is working market opening and I have spent the past three hours getting the rest of the way to drunk. You may have guessed by the atrocious grammar (I’m going purist by not editing).
The first night was last night, but the parents didn’t arrive until after midnight. I am hormonal (the first real TOTM since coil removal) and the anxiety over the parental visit is finally over. The drink is helping with the diabolical stomach and lower back cramps and probably assisting in reducing my nasty temper (I’m not nice at the best of times. However, there’s no one around right now to benefit from my improved countenance. The parents went to bed several hours ago, I just continued drinking the Tall Horse, Sauvignon Blanc (not my choice, my mother specified Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc). J and I prefer local, Cypriot wines.
I am grumpy, in pain, drunk and slightly incoherent. I have spent the past few weeks stressing because I hadn’t had my first TOTM since my coil removal. When the anxiety over my parents visit overtook my anxiety over not having a monthly flow that is the time it decided to show up. Typical!
It’s been a long time since I was genuinely drunk, I’m not sure I like it. I can say categorically that I am completely “twatted”.
I wish I had someone to share it with.
I have stories to tell.
I have been very quiet this past couple of weeks, exterior stresses don’t allow for good creative works.
However, the brain has been working and coming up with ideas and words and stuff. I just haven’t been in a position to play stenographer for my brain.
I have lots of ideas: body swapping (age, mind, personality etc.), creator dissembling (fallible, flawed, and coincidental), mind reading (telepathy, empathy, etc.), book graveyard (unread works), and cracks in the universe, Time travel & paradoxes that fuel the world.
See, I have the ideas; they just don’t happen when my brain is overwhelmed with external junk.
Cross-eyed and knackered. I shall have a read of everything I’ve written tonight, in the cold,sober light of day. In all probability, it will be my best work months and I won’t be able to replicate the conditions.
Update: – No amendments, just an update. I’m approaching sobriety through the bitter lens of melancholy and not enjoying it at all. I think I may leave editing tonight’s work until a few days have past, give it time to percolate.
Inebriation has its benefits, it strips away the inhibitions of the fearful writer and allows for the free flow of thoughts and ideas. Takes away the desperate search for perfection and enhances the chances for moments of pure grace. The grammar, spelling an typographical errors may be diabolical but the soul of the piece is there.
Not for a moment do I condone the use of alcohol to free the mind, along that path does alcoholism lay, but there are certain times when it helps…