Old futures, past and present

nietzsche-future-pastI am in my early thirties; I am just starting out in my new life as a relatively new wife in a new country trying to build a new circle of friends. I am starting out fresh from the life I was living in the UK. However, I am living under a shadow of fear stemming from the life decisions made in my earlier life. My husband and I would like to start a family in the next year or so but I live in perpetual fear that it will not happen for us because of things I did before.

I’ve had an abortion (the reasons were sound and I stick by the decision), I’ve had an IUD for nearly 10 years, I’m significantly over weight, I’ve been a smoker for over 15 years, I used to be a heavy drinker (probably contributing to my weight problem) and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m inherently selfish. In addition, all of these things are weighing on my mind as possible reasons why I will never have the family I want in the future.

Intelligently I know what I need to do to rectify the current potential barriers but I can do nothing about the past and it is far reaching consequences. Sensibly, I should forget the past and concentrate on the present. As if I have not told myself that several hundred times, right.
The problem with Carpe Diem, if we always seize the moment we are in, are we taking away potential future moments that we are striving for?

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